There may be several times during your life when you ask yourself this question – Am I ready to date? Whether you’re a teenager and have never dated before or aren’t allowed to yet, or you’ve gone through a tough break-up and need some time to yourself, or just aren’t ready yet,  you’re really the only one who can decide when you’re ready.

It might help for you to consider these questions when you’re trying to decide if you’re ready to start dating (or to start dating again).

Why are you thinking about dating? Motive is an important consideration. Are you wanting to keep up with friends? Are you lonely? Do you feel like you’re supposed to be dating by now? Have you met someone you want to know better? Some reasons may be healthier reasons for dating than others. So you probably want to take some time to consider why you want to date and if those reasons would likely lead to a positive dating experience.

What does dating mean to you? Does it mean going on one-on-one dates? Going out in groups? Texting? Hanging out together at school? Before you can decide if you’re ready, you will want to define exactly what dating means to you and to the person you’re considering dating.

Are you emotionally ready? How do you handle stress and responsibility? Can you speak up for your own needs? Do you consider others when making decisions? Do you feel empathy for others? How do you handle conflict? All of these things are important to consider when deciding if you’re ready to date.

Do you know yourself well? Do you know what you like to do? What interests you? Do you have strong friendships? Do you know what’s important to you, what you value, what you think is right and wrong?  It’s easy to get lost in a relationship and take on the interests and values of another person, so it’s especially important that you have a strong sense of self before getting into a relationship.

Have you considered the physical aspect?  Have you thought about what boundaries you want to have and are able to talk about that upfront with the person you’re considering dating?  Have you thought about what you would do if got pregnant (or got someone pregnant) at this point in your life? What about an STD? Who would you talk to, what would you do?  There are some really great Pregnancy Resource Centers that can help you navigate these types of questions, along with talking to your parents. If you’re in the Bergen and Passaic County area of North Jersey, you can text Lighthouse for free and confidential help at 201-677-2394.

Have you talked to your parents/guardians about it? What do they think? Sometimes the people who know us well and love us can offer insight and perspective we don’t have.

After a Break-up:

Have you found YOU again? Do you feel like a whole person or like ½ of a couple? After a break-up, you’ll feel different than you did before the relationship. That’s because you are different. You’ll never be the same. But you do want to feel like a whole, complete person before you think about getting involved with someone else.

Do you still feel angry or bitter? If you’re still working through a lot of anger, you probably aren’t ready to date someone new. Give yourself time to heal.

Are you happy on your own? Can you have fun? In a healthy relationship, both people bring happiness and joy and fun to share with each other. It’s important to be able to be happy on your own, rather than looking to someone else to make you happy.

Have you acknowledged your role in the break-up? Just as relationships can’t succeed by the efforts of only one person, relationships rarely fall apart because of the failures or weaknesses of only one person. Do you understand your role in the break-up? Do you know what mistakes you made or what things you need to work on so that the same pitfalls don’t show up in your next relationship?

Can you trust again? Relationships require trust. If you can’t trust someone yet, it’s going to be really hard to date. Have you healed enough to risk trusting again?

When you are ready, choosing to date can lead to wonderful experiences. Dating can be a way to share your happiness and wholeness with someone else. In order to do that, you’ll need a solid sense of self and the emotional reserves to give warmth and support and joy to someone else as well as the openness to receive the same in return. If you’re ready for that, then go ahead! If you’re not ready just yet, that’s OK. There’s no rush, you have plenty of time for that!