Can I get a sexually transmitted infection from oral sex?  Would I still be considered a virgin if I had oral sex, but stopped there?  These are good questions, and maybe you’re looking for this answer because some part of you sincerely wants to remain a virgin, but you’re really into the person you’re dating, so you’re wondering how far you can go without ‘going all the way.’  Or maybe you’re feeling pressured to have some sort of sex, but you still want to technically be a virgin, so you’re looking for compromise. Or maybe you’ve already had oral sex and you’re worried that you got some sort of disease or aren’t still a virgin.

Whatever your reason for asking this question, we want to help you figure out the answer and maybe even help you make some decisions going forward.

First, let’s define some terms and answer some questions so we can make sure we’re on the same page.

What is oral sex?

Oral sex is the contact of one person’s mouth or tongue with the genitals of another person.

Is oral sex really sex? If I have it, does it count when it comes to losing my virginity?

Usually when people talk about virginity, they’re only talking about one kind of sex – vaginal intercourse between a man and a woman. But we know there are all sorts of ways to be sexually active that don’t fit that exact description. It seems like girls get judged for being a virgin and boys get judged for not being a virgin. It can be easy to get caught up in labels and technicalities, but those labels don’t tell us the more important things about your situation. Things like – are you in a safe relationship with someone who cares about you? Are you putting yourself at risk for sexually transmitted diseases (STDs)?

So the better question may be – Do you think oral sex is safer than vaginal sex?

In a national survey done by the Kaiser Foundation, 26% of sexually active teens between the ages of 15 and 17 believed that you can’t get HIV by having oral sex. Unfortunately, this is not true.

What sexually transmitted diseases/infections could you get from oral sex?

The answer – just about all of them. According to the CDC, oral sex can spread syphilis, gonorrhea, HIV, HPV, genital herpes, chlamydia, trichomoniasis and possibly hepatitis C.

Though condoms or dental dams may reduce the risk of STDs during oral sex, the best way to protect yourself is to only have sex (of any form including oral) in a mutually monogamous relationship. That’s when you both only ever have any kind of sex with each other, like in marriage.

If you’re thinking about having oral sex with someone, maybe the best question isn’t – Will I still be a virgin? Maybe better questions would be – Why do I want to have oral sex? Am I ready for the emotional commitment that comes with any kind of sexual activity? Is this a safe relationship? Am I putting myself at risk for an STD?

If you’ve had oral sex and think you may be at risk for an STD, contact somewhere like Lighthouse that offers free and confidential testing.  They are located in Wayne, Hackensack and Paterson, NJ. You can even text them for help, someone to talk to or to make an appointment at 201-677-2394.  You can make healthy, informed choices!