What do you really want and need from a relationship?  Are you getting it? Or have you had your heart broken?  Maybe even felt used or taken advantage of verbally, physically or sexually?  Could you possibly even categorize it as an unhealthy or even abusive relationship?  Maybe it left you with an unwanted sexually transmitted infection or pregnancy…

Examine what you really feel you need and want from a relationship and recognize that the physical part of a relationship isn’t going to satisfy or fill your heart over the long run!  Only a deep emotional, loving, selfless connection can do that.  Become what YOU need to be and make sure you’re a whole person yourself, because no one can “complete” you, as romantic as that sounds.  They can only enhance your life.  Never look to someone else for your happiness.

Healthy relationships involve honesty, trust, respect and open communication between partners, and they take effort and compromise from both people. If you feel like your needs aren’t being met in a relationship or that you’re being taken advantage of in some way, sit down and have an honest conversation with your partner and use “I” statements, rather than blaming the other person.  For example, instead of saying “You never listen to me,” you can say, “I feel unheard when you interrupt me.”

Take responsibility for your own thoughts and feelings.  This can help your partner to feel less blamed and more open to further conversation.  Speak from your perspective and what you’re feeling, rather than accusing them of doing something wrong.  Ask questions to help clarify their perspective and avoid filling the gaps with negative assumptions.  Then listen to your partner and try to understand your partner’s intentions, feelings, need and wants.

If you’re still feeling like you’re not getting the communication and answers that you need or that you’re not being treated right, don’t feel bad about ending the relationship or even taking a break to focus on what you need.   Especially if any kind of abuse is taking place, please get out of the relationship right away but make sure you end it in a public place and consider bringing along a trusted friend.  Know that you did absolutely nothing wrong, even if your partner shifts the blames unto you.  Tell someone you trust and get the help that you need.  Whether that’s talking to a trusted adult or counseling.  Be confident in knowing that there is hope after getting out of a relationship like this, or any relationship.  But take the time to heal and learn from it and grow, knowing what you’re looking for in a new relationship eventually.