“Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins, leading me to a sense of ownership. Boundaries help us keep the good in and the bad out. Setting boundaries inevitably involves taking responsibility for your choices.” -Henry Cloud, Boundaries.

I love this quote because oftentimes when we here the word boundaries, we automatically think of it as a bad thing. However, if we didn’t set boundaries and said ‘yes’ to everything in our life, think how overwhelmed we would feel!  Boundaries can show up in many different ways in our life, in friendships or other relationships, with activities, personal space, touch, family, time, social media, etc…

Let’s talk about boundaries within friendships first, which is critically important.  You want to address conflict head-on, but with kindness, rather than letting it fester… or talking about it endlessly with other people.  Remember that your value and worth is never determined by someone else’s opinion of you.  So be confident and confront your friends that may be unkind or unfair and know that it’s ok to say “no” and remove yourself from the situation if need be.  You can always  leave a situation and/or a friendship that is making you feel unvalued, or uncomfortable, no matter what!

You should know that:

• Your body is GOOD.
• Your body is beautiful, strong, and capable.
• Your body is wonderfully made.
• Your body is YOUR OWN.
• That absolutely no one has the right to touch YOUR body without YOUR consent.
• Come up with a  step-by-step action plan if anyone violates your bodily boundaries.

Also, please remember that Tweens and Teens need breaks from technology and social media for their mental well-being. In fact, some studies have linked excessive screen time to sleep problems, impulsive behavior, reduced emotional regulation, social problems, and increased aggression.  So please don’t think you have to connect with your friends 24/7, but give yourself some needed down-time in order to rest and recoup.

Middle school and high school are tough, but with carefully placed boundaries, you can emerge healthy, happy, and with stronger relationships!